Balance, what does that look like in life? As a child, balance was something practiced physically, walking on a board, edge of the sidewalk, or sone of the best examples,standing in the middle of a teeter-totter hoping to have enough balance to keep both ends level and off the ground. Shifting a bit of weight to raise one side and then the other, getting it just right, holding breath to stabilize as long as possible. It always seemed fun, not easy and certainly a challenge when there were friends sitting on either end adding to the uncertainty of weight adjustment. But focus on the task at hand and yes! Balance for as long as possible. Funny, as I write this, I am trying to remember why we did this particular goofy thing.
As I grew older, I gave up the teeter-totter and other playground equipment but certainly looked for the moments of physical activity that balanced the quieter hours of school and study without even understanding the need for balance. And then, moved on to more quiet, less active hours as work in an office became the primary time swallower. Not much physical activity in front of a computer or visiting with a client/customer about their product or accounting issues. Hiking one day of the weekend, ballroom dancing one night a week were not quite the balance but certainly helped offset some of the chair time. But certainly not in balance.
And now, the balance focus is so completely changed. I have grown to understand that what I was doing on the teeter-totter was BALANCING, not balance. There were subtle movements, shifts of body weight, to maintain the evenness of both ends off the ground. And now I’m constantly balancing my time and energy, growing in understanding of what is truly important vs something interesting that calls to me – or the ego pushing me to ownership of or partnership with others. Not goals but priorities.
Balancing. A way of living mindfully, not on autopilot. You know the feeling when you are on the road, driving to an appointment or picking up the groceries, and you suddenly find yourself at the destination and you are amazed at your surroundings – ‘how did I get here and when did I pass the flea market?’ Autopilot! Reading a book and finding that you have turned a page or two and can’t remember what you read; the mind on another track while your eyes follow the lines of print.
Balancing. The fine art of calories in and calories out to stay healthy as possible. Am I paying attention to how many steps a day I’ve walked; what was the number of calories in the snack I just ate and is it on the diet the heart specialist recommended? Accepting the need and benefit of understanding calory counting toward a healthy body.
Balancing. Adjusting to the use of a CPAP at night. Getting accustomed to that ‘soft pillow’ that fits in my nose and the very, very, soft hiss of air in and out. Accepting the need for the equipment to keep breathing all night without the numerous times my breathing partially or fully stops per hour. Learning to understand the various sleep stages that contribute either to a sapping fatigue or an energized bounce through the day.
Balancing. The desire to hike the mountains again vs the aches, pains and stiffness of knees and hips that prevent even walking some days and certainly inhibit the desire to kneel in prayer. Acceptance of the restrictions and the diminishments while embracing the remaining independence and abilities of what I can do. Grateful for all the adventures of the younger me that contributed to the aches and pains.
Balancing. And I now try to prioritize the Kingdom of God vs. getting ‘things’ done. Checking the boxes off the task list.
Not that the ‘to do’ list isn’t important, but my priority is moving more towards what’s on God’s ‘to do’ list for me than mine. Before I get out of bed most mornings, I thank Him for the gift of the night’s rest and ask, ‘what are we doing today, Lord?’ I always try to check the calendar for any meetings I’ve agreed to, either for spiritual direction, supervision, church functions I’ve said ‘yes’ to and possibly doctor’s visits before coffee. Otherwise, it gets lost in whatever bumps my nose and catches my eye. And down the rabbit hole I go.
To spend the large amount of time required working on the preparation for the Ignatian retreat means I must give up time somewhere else. Thankfully the heat outside makes giving up the garden – dirt therapy – with only a few minutes in the morning and late evening to fill bird feeders, fountains and wave to the weeds popping up, before darting back into the coolness of the house. It’s easy to get sidetracked into ‘one more game of solitaire’ and definitely a downhill slide if my Facebook skim doesn’t have a time limit. It’s so easy to spend a lot of time on mindless poking at videos and postings. Balancing again.
Balancing. Being not doing. Prayer and journaling time vs dishes, laundry, vacuuming or all the other mundane tasks of life at home. Poking family and friends to let them know that I’m thinking of them vs another game of Words with Friends. Watching the clouds form, reform and scuttle away and being reminded of how many times Momma would call my attention to a shape in the clouds with such joy and delight. Watching the fawns dance and leap about in the field while my hands remain still in the dishwater. Sitting at the computer, unable to do much but read what’s on the screen while I listen to the cat purring on the keyboard. Sitting with those the Lord sends and being their companion in this part of their journey.
The gifts that surround me, filled with blessing beyond measure.
Balancing. Become, heal and breathe, let God love you.
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